cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
