its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
