i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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