Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
