Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
