Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
