He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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