dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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