How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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