I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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