so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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