Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
