the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had to coat check the pizza.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
