I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
