seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Two words: nipple clamps
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