I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
