Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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