the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
