Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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