i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
