I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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