okay pat passed out under dana's car
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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