New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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