I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
