so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
