You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
