Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
