oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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