Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
