Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
