Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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