i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
