we have officially lost it.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
