He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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