Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
