If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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