i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
