Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
