ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
