Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
