Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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