she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
