he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
