you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
