I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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