Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
