you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
