do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
