I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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