When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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