There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
